We try to understand, but is that really necessary to become sympathetic or empathetic to one's pain? This is the theme that underscored the recent documentary Self-portrait, based on the life story of the renowned photographer Lena Marie Fossen, who struggled with the eating disorder anorexia nervosa.
Lena’s anorexia began at 10 years old, when she decided that she wanted to remain a child and not grow up, why she came to this conclusion was never addressed in the documentary. I think to some extent all of us are nostalgic to our childhood, a time of innocence, being carefree, being protected and no worries at all, perhaps in some way she wanted to hold onto this time.
However, her decision to remain a child spiralled into 23 years of struggle with the disease and mental illness anorexia nervosa. As you see her child-like frame speak to the camera, you see in the same moment someone so strong but at the same time so desperately weak. Her thoughts are conflicted, as she yearns to be helped but at the same time is scared to recover.
Her photos depict and make visible the pain that we all go through, as she states “ there is beauty in pain” as she finds an escape from her disease through photography, the promising path is cut short when she meets in an accident and injures her neck.
As if an internal sign that she should not recover, due to her neck injury, she regresses into another state of depression and in turn, she doesn’t take many photos, is hospitalised and at one point even tries to take her own life by lying naked in the snow for hours.
The battle is on in her mind, instead of being understood, she considers the health system that coerces her and forces her to comply, as an enemy. What could save her, what could take away her insecurities, her fears?
Probably in her mind, she realises that even if she cannot save herself, she can save others. With mental illness and depression, it often manifests itself in various destructive forms, drug addiction, obesity and one most severe forms anorexia nervosa.
We as human beings have to be respectful of the struggles of each other, and even when faced with illogical reasoning, taking on an attitude of patience and understanding could be a source of help to sufferers.
Lena, died at the age of 33, leaving behind many lessons to be learnt, never allowing yourself to be entrapped by thoughts of despair and depression but finding the beauty in yourself and shine for the world to see. Many greats in life have died young, but their legacy lives for a lifetime, I believe Lena’s story will last a lifetime and will influence the lives of many.
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